I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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