Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
