just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
