You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
