I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
