Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
