Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
