therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
