I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
