Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
