she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
