I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
