uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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