if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
