I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
