what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
