Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
