I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
