Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
