i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
