whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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