i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
