No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
