How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
