Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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