ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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