we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
