what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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