Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
