got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
