Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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