a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
