Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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