I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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