dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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