Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
