there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
