the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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