Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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