She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Are my feet made of real feet?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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