wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
