Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
