just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
