I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
