i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
