i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
