Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
