the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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