Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
