Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
